All That is Gold

If there is something I'm not proud of it's this: it sometimes takes me a while to see the gold that lies within people. I now generally try to go into a situation with the sure knowledge that it's there, and even if it's hidden or obscured by other things, people at heart are essentially 'good' (for lack of a better word) and beautiful.  I am reflecting today on how I have judged others at times, especially on first meetings; it may be a defence I have, although I'm not sure what benefit there could be to not seeing, other than to avoid falling in love over and over again in the course of a lifetime. Maybe that's just it. That I am afraid of becoming smitten and heartbroken, or what's more likely - of breaking hearts repeatedly in my kindness throughout my life as people arrive and depart in the way that they do. Strangely, I live with some terror of being truly seen, not wanting to live with the ramifications of someone else's disappointments.

I take time to unfold and perhaps it is just that being mirrored in my encounters with all the other humans to cross my path. All so lovely, but appearing one way upon first meeting, then slowly bursting forth like flowers from buds over time. Maybe the thing is that we all unfold given the right observer and a bit of space.

I have come across such kind heartedness of late, I seem to be seeing it all around me and am aspiring always to peek beyond the surface to where that kindness resides in myself. To understand that all the behaviour in people that 'pushes my buttons' springs from some essential need - to be seen, loved, invited in, allowed freedom or the unadulterated joy of laughter, fun. All the weird and dysfunctional ways we sometimes interact with one another in order to meet these needs can be dispelled and unravelled with a small touch of compassion. And a willingness to stop making it about me or my ego.

Recently when faced with someone who was being rude and demanding, I remembered this, and found a way to listen more carefully to what lay underneath the external ranting. Just hearing the faintest cues of some underground spring of wanting, I paused and measured my response just long enough to perceive through the clamour and ugliness how I could hear and acknowledge what was being truly asked for.  It was a strange dance of standing my ground, resisting the urge to subsume myself into a mousy lump and truly perceive what was being asked for. I listened more than I spoke, and paused for a breath or two before I responded, when I did. I'm sure it was imperfect, but I was left with a deeper understanding of this human being standing before me, in all his pushiness and impulsivity, and simply saw someone with a thirst for knowledge, freedom, and wanting permission to ask questions without being judged as challenging. Suddenly I just saw a beautiful curiosity.

I am grateful for this reminder, and I suspect I am getting better at this skill of listening for the desires lurking below the surface, of perceiving the gold that inhabits us all. Knowing how to stand my ground and hold stock in myself, while also being porous enough to see and welcome the surprises that come from discovering another person with fresh eyes. That is real freedom.

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.