The Coccoon

It is possible I am just waking up now. All systems are not yet go, and it's possible I still have some sleeping to do, some more fibres to weave in the closed comforting darkness of this winter retreat. But I think I am feeling the slow outward stretch of emerging starting quietly. I have battened down the hatches, and that's a good thing. Withdrawn, sometimes isolated myself, at least from things that do not serve the process of attending to healing and fortifying myself. Attending to the core. Making choices about which branches to cut off while serving and feeding the deepest roots. Because that's where the energy comes from, and unlike other times in my life, this winter I dug in, sealed the doors and lit the fire. I took in only things that would feed me, and not much of anything that would drain. I made good choices for myself, and despite the depth of my retreat it felt like the healthiest thing to do. Especially in retrospect.
I reduced the 'shoulds' and attended to the 'musts'.
I have often been confused about whether I am truly extroverted or introverted and have sometimes defaulted to describing myself as an 'introverted extrovert'. Because most often when sad, or in need of rejuvenation I have turned outwards, filled my cup with good people and adventures. I have certainly done a share of that this winter, but there has also been the overriding theme of wrapping myself in the closed quiet safety of home.
I have learned a few things, some of them new to me:
That it's ok and sometimes necessary to say no.
That there is no set time limit, or statute of limitations on how long it takes to heal, or do whatever it is you know you need to do.
That quiet is an acceptable way to be.
That 'being anti-social' is a label and a judgement I put on myself.
And...
This is ground breaking: Not everyone is going to like, understand or support me or what I am doing, and that is ok and should perhaps be expected (but without dread or fear). The trick is to listen to the still small inner voice more attentively until it is louder and stronger than the ones coming from outside. Then it becomes your guide, even when you step outside the four walled safety of whatever sanctuary you have built around yourself.
When in doubt, stay calm, relax, get still...and wait to see which way the air bubbles go before trying to swim to the surface.