Choices

I am at a juncture where things are slowly emerging, small shoots sprouting up from the cracks in increasing numbers. Each new one provides another marker by which to navigate; these are clues for  me to follow into a larger mystery.

I have choices to make. I aspire to make them with clarity when I am able, and not before. I wait, watch, and pay close attention to what is happening within and around me. Information is gathering like a slow storm, ethereal and made of wind and cracks in the air. Vibrations of things held secret for a time, glimmering invisibly like the pre amble to a lightning strike. It is an electrifying time, but in it I aspire to be still, to stay put.

I will not hold you or myself to anything said or done in error, in incompletion, in retrospect. Not now, not any longer, and not in the future. I will stand here and look you in the eye and know that you can see me, even if you are unable to form the words to explain yourself. Explanation is not needed, and is made of dust and whispers, often just a distraction from the truth we know in our bones. The task is to listen and hear deeply what we have to say to ourselves, and never to lose that connection again. There is a mainline running between your heart and the unknown vastness of the universe - this is a know all, tell all kind of place. From this source I will know my own choices, clearly and without ambiguity. If you are brave enough to know yours, it is there for you but I will still make my own.

It takes courage and faith to stand in my own truth unwavering. Here I risk loss and loneliness, though the rewards of this high hard road are greater prizes. If you do not have it in you to know your own heart then you are not able to meet me here, in this beautiful windswept and sunlit place. Not yet. Perhaps not in this lifetime as there is a timeline to this beauty - it is a growing living thing made from the green heart of the world.

My choices do not hinge on you or what you see in the dark blue vastness, they hinge only on the song line that is meant for me, the translucent sound gathering it's harmonies behind the light of my own eyes.