Home

Photo cred: Charlotte Jacklein

I have been a bit tortured by circumstance and my own (and others') human shortcomings of late, but a few days ago a friend said these words to me..."zoom out and see how much life loves you in other places". It was a piece of intuitive wisdom that was the stuff of genius; it arrived in just the right way, and at the right time offering a perspective that I was ready to see.  She is so right. I am so. Damn. Fortunate. And grateful, for all the good things.
And there are so many good things, it should be almost impossible to confuse my sources of sadness with the immense and extensive sources of happiness that populate my life.
I just got off 9 days of 'work' on the ocean, one of my favourite bits of it, Clayoquot Sound, a sandy, surfy and otherworldly expanse of west coast beauty. The place is pure magic, and on another friends' advice I asked the elements there for forgiveness and healing daily. At the start of the trip I was enmeshed in a toxic spiral of anger, hurt and frustration that was not doing much good for anyone. A strange concoction of guilt, sadness, confusion, righteousness and my own innate brand of half-blind insensitivity and self-centredness. Quite the soup, very chunky.
Today on my way home I felt washed clean, redeemed, joyful. More willing to let go of things that I cannot change or solve.
I have said it before but this body of mine, and the way it is aging so gracefully, is something that I am thankful for every day. How lucky I am to have been able to walk, paddle and ski my way through this life. I have lived at least 50% of my time here on earth travelling through and teaching others to travel well through wild places, holding space for all the lessons and beauty to emerge.  I get to be a witness to the healing power of ocean, river and mountain, and all the other places I have been graced to know. Even in the times when this work is meant to be just about the technical skills, it is not really, it is about soul, connection, love.
I will write more soon, because the gifts of the past week have been many, but for now I will rest with a grateful heart. For the counsel and listening ears of friends, the ever moving currents of the Pacific and the silence of the ancient temperate forest. And my own imperfect but resilient spirit. For this island I call home. For the many people near and far who offer hugs, laughs (even at my jokes), soulful questions, caring suggestions and acceptance. All of it matters.